Ten Amazing Murder Ballads

    Anyone who knows my taste will tell you that I like some grotesque music. Hell, my two favorite genres are psychobilly and horror punk, both genres known for their horror-themed lyrics. I guess it's unsurprising, then, that I like me some murder ballads. A murder ballad, for those of you who don't know, is any song where murder is the main focus, and today I'm going to list a few of my favorite murder ballads. 

    Before we get into the list proper, allow me to set a few rules. One, for the sake of variety, I'm only including one song per artist. Two, these songs are in no particular order. Three, I'll try to include songs from as many genres as possible, that way horror punk and psychobilly don't take up the entire list. Got all that? Okay, let's get started with...

    

#1. Koffin Kats - Chainsaw Massacre

    Okay, let's get the obligatory psychobilly song out of the way. Koffin Kats write some of the most grotesque lyrics in the entire genre, and this song is no exception. This song is about butchering living humans with a chainsaw and then eating them. The story is told in probably the most graphic way possible. 

    I've always said that psychobilly was goofy Halloween dark, but my description of this song came close to making me question this. That is if it wasn't for how upbeat and catchy this song is. It sounds like one of Elvis's faster songs except with more punk influence. Especially with vocalist Vic Victor's vocals, which sound exactly like Elvis. If you're looking for a good song to spook your Halloween guests this coming October, this is the song for you. 

#2. Melanie Martinez - Milk and Cookies

    Melanie Martinez is a frustrating artist. I really enjoyed her first album Crybaby, but K-12 sucked. This song is from the former, and it's easily my favorite song on the album. It embodies Melanie Martinez's penchant for taking childish subject matter and making it dark perfectly, not only because of the title but because of the nursery rhyme references sprinkled throughout. 

    For context, on the song Tag, You're It, which comes right before Milk and Cookies on the album, the character Crybaby gets kidnapped. In this song, she poisons the guy who kidnaps her by putting poison in his cookies. It marks a turning point in the album where Crybaby finally gains confidence after all she's been through. It's cathartic as hell, and a great revenge story.

#3. Carrie Underwood - Two Black Cadillacs

    Speaking of revenge songs, Carrie Underwood. I know most would probably put Blown Away in this spot, but I felt the more underrated Two Black Cadillacs deserved some recognition. This song tells the story of a guy who fooled everyone he knew into thinking he was a good person, including the preacher. However, his wife and mistress soon find out about each other, and they decide to team up and kill him. 

    Some of the details given in this song combined with the chilling instrumentation make this song even creepier than Blown Away or even her later song Church Bells. Unlike Blown Away, this song has no sense of triumph. It's pure darkness, and that's the main reason why I chose it for this list over Blown Away. It's more realistic, and therefore scarier and more haunting, which is the entire point of this list.

#4. Aerosmith - Janie's Got a Gun

    It wouldn't be a murder ballad list without this one, now would it? Aerosmith was never known for writing dark material. Most of their songs were bright and happy or, at the very least, had a sense of optimism. Janie's Got a Gun, on the other hand, is one of the darkest classic rock songs I've ever heard. 

    Basically, this song tells the story of a young girl who shoots her abusive father after he rapes her. I have to admire Aerosmith for having the guts to release something like this. Sure, it's catchy, but one look at the lyrics would normally be enough to stop radio stations from playing this. Still, shout out to Aerosmith for raising awareness about a very serious issue. 

#5. Spawn of Possession - Apparition

    There had to be some death metal on this list, now didn't there? Those of you who have read my previous articles know that I don't like regular death metal. However, technical death metal is awesome. Especially when it has classical elements mixed in like this does. 

    What I love about this song, in particular, is that while it does cover the typical death metal topic of anti-religion, it does so in a unique way. It tells the story of a Christian family who see an apparition that they think is an angel. However, soon the apparition tells the father of the family that the daughter has turned against God. The father then kills his daughter and wife in a fit of rage. Meanwhile, the father and son go to Hell with the apparition, who is revealed to actually be a demon. 

    What I love about this premise, aside from the great storytelling, is that it perfectly highlights the atrocities people can commit in the name of what is holy. After all, how many people throughout history have committed mass murder, war, and genocide, among other atrocities, because they thought God was talking to them? Far too many. If angels and demons were real, I could totally see something like this happening.

#6. Johnny Cash - Folsom Prison Blues

    It wouldn't be a murder ballads list without Johnny Cash somewhere in there. Hell, Johnny Cash has a greatest hits album titled Love, God, Murder which has an entire section dedicated to murder ballads. This is easily his most famous murder ballad. It tells the story of a man who shot someone to death and is stuck in Folsom Prison because of it. 

    The great thing about this is that Johnny Cash actually performed this song at various prisons. He was an outlaw country guy through and through, and it showed. I imagine those prisoners must've felt less alone after those concerts. So, shout out to Johnny Cash for putting his dark subject matter to good use.

#7. Avenged Sevenfold - A Little Piece of Heaven

    Now for the second great storytelling track on this list. A Little Piece of Heaven is a unique song in Avenged Sevenfold's discography. It has no guitars, and it tells an actual story. The plot of this song goes like this. A guy is worried that his girlfriend will break up with him, so he kills her and has sex with her corpse. Then the girlfriend comes back to life and kills him, and he begs for her forgiveness. She agrees, and they get married in the afterlife. It's genuinely creepy and easily my favorite Avenged Sevenfold song. 

#8. Eminem - Stan 

    Eminem is known for his dark songs, but this is easily the scariest song he's ever made. It's one of the few songs I've heard that's creepy if taken at face value, and even creepier on a metaphorical level. On a literal level, it's about an obsessed fan who kills himself and his pregnant girlfriend by driving his car off a bridge into a river because Eminem didn't answer his letters. On a metaphorical level, it's about Eminem's secret fear that his dark songs about murder could not only mean something to someone and inspire them to imitate what he describes in his songs, but possibly even try to top what Eminem describes. 

    I originally considered putting Kim on this list, since it's the most obviously scary, but as Carrie Underwood demonstrated with Two Black Cadillacs, sometimes subtlety is creepier. Kim may be the angriest, but this song has the most unsettling premise. It's a classic for a reason. 

#9. The Killers - Midnight Show

    If you're a fan of The Killers, you've probably heard of the murder trilogy. If you're not, let me explain. The murder trilogy is three songs by The Killers that tell the story of a guy murdering his girlfriend. Leave the Bourbon on the Shelf describes the motive, Jenny Was a Friend of Mine describes the murderer being in court, and this one, the centerpiece of the trilogy, describes the actual murder. 

    At first, the song tricks the listener into thinking it's about a Las Vegas show this guy is taking his girlfriend to, but it soon becomes apparent that the show is a metaphor for the murder. What makes this so unsettling is how nonchalant this guy is about killing his girlfriend. He describes it as a show, and the upbeat instrumentation only adds to the creepiness. Also, isn't it kind of appropriate that a band called The Killers have a murder trilogy?

#10. Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds ft. Kylie Minogue - Where the Wild Roses Grow

    If you thought I was going to forget Nick Cave's Murder Ballads album on this list, you would be mistaken. For those of you who don't know, Murder Ballads by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds is a concept album made up of nothing but murder ballads. Where the Wild Roses Grow is the most popular song on the album, and for good reason. It sounds beautiful despite its dark subject matter. 

    Basically, this song tells the story of a guy who meets this woman, makes her fall in love with him, and then kills her by smashing a rock into her mouth. The creepiest thing about this is the way it's described. It's described as putting a rose between this girl's teeth. You know, because roses are the color of blood, and her mouth was bleeding? 

    This song reminds me a lot of Midnight Show by The Killers, at least on a lyrical level. Both songs are extremely nonchalant about the horror taking place, and both describe the murder in a way that makes it sound considerably less gruesome than it actually is. Honestly, that makes these songs even more disturbing. 

    And that's my list. I hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to leave your favorite murder ballads in the comment section. I'm Pat, and I'm out.